Kill Your Expectations

When Jim Collins, author of the business book classic Good to Great, interviewed James Stockdale, the military veteran explained that there was one group that suffered the most in prison: the optimists.

“We’re going to be free before Christmas, they used to say,” Stockdale told Collins.

“Christmas would come, but nothing would change. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’

But Easter would come, and Easter would go.

And then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas again.

And they died of a broken heart,” said Stockdale.

What’s going on here?

Many people, including me, believe that all of life’s sadness and disappointment come from one thing—false expectations.

Buddha said that ‘wanting equals suffering.’

Psychotherapist Anthony De Mello noted that “there is only one thing that causes unhappiness: attachment.”

Epictetus preached to his students that ‘anxiety, slavery, and unhappiness come from worrying about things we can’t control.’

Can’t you see what's going on here?

Seriously?

Try again.

Still?

It’s the same thing written in four different ways.

A young entrepreneur gives up on his business after 3 months because ‘he hasn’t made it’. He didn’t set his expectations right. Someone should tell him that in three months, you should not be looking for a profit, but rather, a loss.

No one is disappointed by the fact that it's snowing in the winter. No one is surprised when the sun rises in the east. No one complains when it gets dark at night. We've accepted (and even anticipated) these events.

“So what?” you ask.

As I see it, you and I have two options: set our expectations right and gain peace of mind…

Or be carried away like puppets based on what happens, which is out of our control an totally anti-Stoic.

I don’t know about you, but I choose the first one.

Which one will you choose—peace of mind or mindless hoping?

Till next time,

Said The Stoic

PS. I’m always happy to kick-start a Stoic-related conversation with any one of you or recommend books for further reading. You can always reply to any of these daily emails. I really appreciate your support.!